The story of us

The stories we tell ourselves and the world, they are our fundamental frame.

It is how we understand who we are and those around us.

These stories therefore couldn’t be more important, because in many senses they are us. They can be the most remarkable forces in the world as well the most destructive. They are the good, the bad and the ugly. 

To tell a story that you are exceptional, talented, kind and thoughtful, is often to be these things, certainly more so than if you don’t tell yourself stories of that ilk.

To tell a story that you are stupid, as not worthy, as shy, as afraid, then this can be the most powerful barrier you are ever likely to face, it can hold you back like nothing else.

Then there are the stories you tell the world. How you wish to be seen, how you wish to be understood.

The difference between these two is significant. The gap tells a story in itself, of your greatest ambitions and your greatest fears.

The stories we only tell ourselves, the things we choose not to say, are often as important as anything we actually do.

It is worth asking a simple question: How are the stories I tell to myself, different from the stories I tell to others? 

Or, put another way, when you look in the mirror, how sure are you that the person you are inside is the same one that you present to the outside? 

This is why stories are so integral to who and what we are, we must be very mindful of them.

We must always be on the watch.

This is as true for us as people, as us as collectives, as families, as communities, as cultures, as organisations, as countries.

But stories are also useful in how we find and evolve those stories themselves.

Stories as weapons of clarity

Those of you who follow my work know I have a system that is essentially a story format. I use it for the very personal, and for organisations, it isn’t the answer per se but it’s very useful in the journey to it.

The exact language I use depends on the individuals and the context, but it has the same sequence and intent: 

Who are you trying to help (what are their dreams, their fears, their challenges)?What are trying to tackle (the real problem, the real enemy)? What are you building towards, to champion (what is your cause)? What are your tools (your capabilities, your partnerships, your networks)? Who are you and who do you want to become (your personality and your principles - values in action, values that bind)? And finally what does this ladder up to? What are your convictions (what you want to do and be + how will you do that?). 

This sequence, when it is done well, it tells a story and it has the essential ingredients of a good one: Does it make sense in that sequence? Effective stories need ‘Logos’, logic. Does it intrigue and engage? Compelling stories need ‘Pathos’, emotion. Lastly, is it credible? Can you be trusted to deliver on it? (Authority, believability or ‘Ethos’).

If it does tell an interesting story, you get a sense of why, you have a hunch about where to change it.

I work a lot in helping others think through things, in many places, in many different ways, and the story again comes up as a powerful tool in another, quite different way.

Story as the great revealer 

I am not alone in seeing how powerful questions can be as weapons of deep reflection. They are tools to uncover the mysteries that sit within us, to reveal our assumptions so that we can check them, tweak them and continue. 

Of all the reflective questions I use in my work, one stands out:

‘If my life was a novel or a movie, what would the audience want me to do?’

It looks like the most light, the most innocent of questions, but it often reveals the opposite, it is a window into the real stuff, in the moment and overtime.

It asks us to think about what we should be doing but aren’t. It suggests actions others may have suggested or inferred but that we have ignored, dismissed or avoided.

At a very obvious level our life is a story, but the story is much more more than that. 

Stories are not just who we are, they are also engines of thinking and revelation.

What stories do you tell yourself, the world and how will you use stories to change them?